Premature ejaculation (PE) can usually be improved. The approaches that help are behavioural techniques such as the stop-start method, pelvic floor exercises, counselling or sex therapy and, where it suits you, medical treatment from a GP. PE is common and it can be treated. There is no instant fix, but you have more options than it may feel like right now.
If this has been weighing on you, we want to say first that it is one of the most ordinary sexual difficulties there is. There is nothing shameful about wanting help with it.
Recognising premature ejaculation
PE means ejaculating sooner than you or your partner would like, having little sense of control and feeling frustrated or upset about it. The NHS describes it simply as ejaculating sooner than you or your partner wish during sex. It can be lifelong, which means it has been there since your first sexual experiences. It can also be acquired, which means it started later, after a time when you felt in control.
There is no correct length for sex and no stopwatch test. What matters is how much control you feel, how often it happens and how much it bothers you or your relationship. When people talk about PE in sex, they usually mean ejaculating early with a partner. Many men have far more control on their own, and that is a useful clue that anxiety is part of the picture.
PE is not the same as erectile dysfunction (ED), which is about getting or keeping an erection, although the two can overlap. Some men hurry because they are afraid of losing their erection. If that sounds familiar, our post on erectile dysfunction may help too.
What causes premature ejaculation
There is rarely one neat explanation. Psychological causes are common, including performance anxiety, stress, depression, tension in the relationship and fear of losing an erection. Early sexual experiences matter as well. If you learned to masturbate quickly and quietly because you were worried about being caught, your body may have learned to finish fast. That habit can carry into sex with a partner.
Physical factors can play a part too. The NHS lists prostate problems, thyroid problems and recreational drug use among them. Often several causes overlap. That is why we think it helps to look at both body and mind rather than treating PE as purely one or the other.
It is also worth knowing that ejaculating early now and then is normal. It can happen after a long gap, with a new partner or when you are very aroused. On its own, it does not mean anything is wrong.
Techniques you can try at home
The stop-start method is the usual starting point. During masturbation or with a partner, you keep going until you feel you are getting close, then stop before the point of no return. Once the urge settles, you start again. You repeat this a few times before you let yourself ejaculate. Over time you learn to recognise your arousal levels earlier, and that is the real skill here.
The squeeze technique works the same way, except that when you stop, you or your partner gently squeeze the head of the penis for 10 to 20 seconds until the urge passes. Some people find the interruption distracting or uncomfortable, so don't worry if it doesn't suit you.
Pelvic floor exercises strengthen the muscles that help control ejaculation. To find them, imagine stopping yourself passing wind or stopping the flow of urine. Don't practise by stopping your urine again and again, because that can stop your bladder emptying properly. Tighten the muscles for a few seconds, relax, and repeat around ten times, a few times a day. It usually takes weeks of regular practice before you notice a difference.
Smaller changes help too:
- thicker condoms to reduce sensation
- slower stimulation and taking breaks
- switching between different kinds of touch
- positions where your partner is on top
Talking openly with your partner also takes a lot of the pressure off. Alcohol is not a safe or reliable treatment. The evidence for zinc, magnesium and other supplements is limited, unless a test has shown you are low in one of them.
Self-help techniques side by side
| Technique | How to try it | Possible limitation |
|---|---|---|
| Stop-start | Stop before the point of no return, wait for the urge to fade, then start again | Takes patience and regular practice |
| Squeeze | As stop-start, with a firm squeeze to the head of the penis for 10 to 20 seconds | Some find it distracting or uncomfortable |
| Pelvic floor exercises | Tighten and relax the pelvic floor muscles in short sets, a few times a day | Results take weeks to show |
| Thicker condoms | Use a thicker condom to reduce sensation during sex | Less pleasure for some men |
Medical treatments if self-help is not enough
If the techniques above aren't enough, a GP can talk you through medical options. The NHS guidance on ejaculation problems lists anaesthetic creams and sprays containing lidocaine or prilocaine, which reduce feeling in the penis. Desensitising condoms work in a similar way. The downsides are less sensation, skin irritation and the numbing product passing to a partner. The European Association of Urology (EAU) guidelines advise wearing a condom after applying a cream for that reason.
Some antidepressants, called SSRIs, can delay ejaculation. One of them, dapoxetine, is taken a few hours before sex. The Irish package leaflet for Priligy (dapoxetine) from the Health Products Regulatory Authority (HPRA) says it is for men aged 18 to 64. It also says you should avoid alcohol while taking it and that your doctor should check your blood pressure first. The EAU lists nausea, diarrhoea, headache and dizziness among its common side effects.
ED tablets such as sildenafil are also used for PE, alone or alongside other treatments, so it is worth asking your GP whether they suit you. Please avoid unregulated products sold online, because you can't know what is in them. The EAU guidelines also note that combining psychosexual therapy with medication works better than medication alone, so you rarely have to choose one or the other. Decide with a GP, pharmacist or sexual health professional who knows your health history.
How counselling and sex therapy help
For many men, the hardest part of PE is not the timing but what it does in their head. There is the dread before sex, the habit of watching yourself instead of being present, and the shame afterwards. That cycle tends to make the problem worse. In sex therapy with us, our therapists help you understand what is driving it. They work through techniques like stop-start with you at a pace that suits you, and help loosen the expectations that keep the pressure on. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help with the anxious thoughts that crowd in during sex.
Bringing a partner can help, because PE affects you both and talking about it together often eases the tension. If your relationship has been under strain, couples counselling is there too. You don't need a partner to start, though. Individual counselling is just as good a place to begin, and we see people in Dublin, Galway and online. If you are unsure what sessions involve, our post on the sex therapy process explains it. Online sex therapy can also feel like an easier first step.
When to speak to a GP or sexual health professional
We'd suggest seeing your GP or a sexual health professional if PE keeps happening, starts suddenly after years without problems, or is really upsetting you. See someone sooner if it comes with pain, problems passing urine, erection difficulties or blood in your semen. These can point to a physical cause that is worth checking.
An assessment usually covers your sexual and medical history, any medicines you take, your mental wellbeing and your relationship. You would only have a physical examination or tests if something suggests they are needed. Costs in Ireland vary between GPs, therapists, prescriptions and insurance providers, so it is worth asking at the start. Our own fees are on our prices page, and you can contact us directly without a GP referral.
FAQs
Does masturbating before sex help delay ejaculation?
It can. The NHS suggests masturbating an hour or two before sex, which may help you last longer. It doesn't suit everyone, though. It is a workaround rather than a way of building control, so it works best alongside the techniques above.
Is masturbating every day harmful for men?
For most men, masturbating every day does no physical harm. It is worth looking at if it feels compulsive or gets in the way of work or relationships. It is also worth noticing if you always rush it, because that habit can feed into ejaculating quickly with a partner. If you slow down and pay attention to your arousal, masturbating becomes useful practice.
Can premature ejaculation be cured permanently, and how long does it take?
There is no guaranteed permanent cure, and we wouldn't promise one. Control can improve a great deal, particularly when anxiety is part of the cause. Techniques usually need several weeks of regular practice. Some men need longer, or combine them with medication. Setbacks during stressful periods are normal rather than a failure.
Can I bring my partner to sex therapy?
Yes, if you both want to. Some people start alone and invite their partner later. Others come together from the first session. Your therapist will talk this through with you.
What to do next
Start with one or two techniques that feel manageable, and be patient with yourself. If PE keeps getting in the way, or is affecting how you feel about yourself or your relationship, we're here whenever you feel ready. You can contact us to talk it through or to arrange a session in Dublin, Galway or online.