If we look at the cultural context of how the topic of sexuality has been dealt with in Ireland, it’s not surprising to consider that many of us have blocks around bringing our sexual related issues into a therapy space. Before we focus our lens to the social context in which these barriers arose, it is important to understand the concept of trans-generational trauma.
Trans-generational trauma refers to the transmission of beliefs, attitudes, and patterns of thinking and feeling that stem from traumatic events from one generation of people to the next. It is believed that when we do not take the time to process and understand traumatic events, the psychological and physiological consequences of those unprocessed traumas can remain within us and get passed down through generations. It is somewhat akin to the phrase ‘monkey see, monkey do’ – we emulate our parents’ or elders’ ways of thinking and being, good or bad, and carry it forward into our own lives and so, the cycle continues.
If we apply this framework of thinking to sexuality, it is easier to understand how residual shame from the Magdalene laundries commissioned by the Catholic Church would set the scene for future generations to come, in terms of navigating the conversation around sexuality. With these historical events in mind, we can appreciate the context that made it difficult to discuss our sexuality with our trusted community of friends and/or family, let alone, in a therapy space.
Our sexuality is an inherent part of us. It is not cut off or removed from us. It is an inextricable part of our physical, emotional, psychological health. If we think about why we are alive, sex is at the very epicentre of each person’s existence. It is foundational to human life. Thus, like any part of our lives, it can bring pleasure and enjoyment, but it can equally bring challenges and issues that deserve space in a therapy room. When it comes to sexual related problems, a large proportion of these issues can actually be psychological in nature.
Within the work that I do with clients in psychotherapy for sexual related issues, we take a holistic approach to understanding the problem on a deeper level. We take the time to understand the context in which your difficulties are arising. We explore what was happening for you, what thoughts were you were experiencing, what feelings you had, what patterns were coming to light, what you associations you have with sex, all in an effort to understand you, your story, your patterns, beliefs and attitudes better as these may be underpinning the issues arising for you in your sex life.
Sex can be such a nourishing part of our lives, and sexual related issues deserve to be met with curiosity in a therapeutic space in an effort to support clients to overcome these issues so they can lead a fulfilling, safe, consensual and gratifying sex life. This extends to working with survivors and victims of sexual abuse and crimes. We all deserve to lead a happier, more contented life and sex from where I stand can very much be an important contribution to what can bring joy and contentment to life.
My wish for my work with psycho-sexuality is that clients feel they are met with respect, non-judgement and curiosity. Shame is an emotion that compels us to hide, my aspiration is that within our work in psychotherapy that clients have the space to discover and understand themselves better on a deeper level, which will translate to deeper self-understanding and acceptance within their sex lives.