In today’s digital world, parenting teens and young people can often feel overwhelming and, at times, quite lonely. Screens, social media, and constant online connection raise new questions about trust, boundaries, and what it really means to stay close. Whether we like it or not, technology is now woven into their everyday lives. It isn’t something we can simply control or avoid; instead, it invites us to step closer and try to understand what this world means – for them and for us too.
Adolescence is such a profoundly relational stage of life. Teens and young people are discovering who they are not only in relation to their peers, but also in how they experience themselves within the family and the wider world. What might look like “just a tantrum” or “screen addiction” often carries something deeper: frustration, fear of missing out, or feeling misunderstood. I often hear parents say, “They just exploded over nothing,” but underneath there’s usually a story. Seeing these moments not simply as problems to fix but as part of our teenager’s or young person’s process of becoming can shift everything.
From this perspective, parenting is less about control and more about staying close, even when things feel hard. I often encourage parents to model balanced digital use – for example, gently putting devices aside during mealtimes to encourage conversation or talking openly about our own habits. You might say as a parent, “My brain feels foggy – I wonder if it’s because I spent more time on my phone than usual today, or maybe I didn’t take enough breaks.” I think I read somewhere that this can happen. These kinds of simple, curious statements can invite connection—and, let’s be honest, might also earn you a side eye or an eye roll. Or you might decide that mealtimes are a digital-free zone and choose not to discuss devices at all, focusing instead on other topics of meaningful conversation. Every family is different, so it’s important to find what feels right for you, always coming from a place of curiosity rather than judgment or pressure. These small moments of honesty and openness often mean more than any rule.
Boundaries do matter, but they hold more weight when they come from dialogue rather than top-down rules. Inviting your teen or young person to help shape these agreements can foster respect and ownership. In moments when things boil over – the slammed door, the sharp words – it can help to pause, breathe, and respond with curiosity instead of anger. Saying something like, “I feel that something has upset you. Is there anything I can help with right now?” can open space rather than shutting it down. Sometimes, a teenager or young person might soften or share a few words; sometimes they might not. But even then, they’ve seen us choose connection over conflict. This might not happen overnight. We’re trying to help regulate adolescents who are themselves going through immense change. It isn’t about fixing them, but about being present and supportive as the process unfolds.
Peer relationships are key and often happen online as much as offline. Approach your teens or young person’s digital world with gentle curiosity, not pressure. Simple questions like, “Who do you like spending time with online?” or “What do you enjoy about your favourite app?” can invite sharing without causing them to shut down. The aim isn’t to monitor or judge, but to understand what feels important to them in these spaces. Sometimes just listening is enough to show you care. And if your teen or young person doesn’t want to talk in that moment, that’s okay too, because trust is built over time through openness rather than interrogation.
At its heart, this approach comes from seeing adolescents – not as problems to be solved, but as whole, complex human beings trying to make sense of a rapidly changing world. The digital age brings real challenges, but it doesn’t change their need for empathy, presence, and acceptance. Parenting in this context asks us to slow down, stay curious, and value relationship over control. Behind every conflict or silence, there’s often a teen or young person longing to feel seen and understood.
In the end, parenting a teenager or young person is not about having perfect answers – none of us do. It’s about choosing to keep showing up, even in small, imperfect ways; listening a little more deeply; and reminding them they don’t have to face it all alone. Parenting is a marathon, not a sprint. Over time, these moments of connection can become the bridge that carries them forward. And sometimes, reaching out for extra support along the way can help deepen that connection even more.
