Adolescence is a time in life of huge change, a transition process between childhood and adulthood, indeed the word adolescence itself roughly translates from Latin as ’growing up’. This transition is often not easy because this transition and developmental process cause big changes in the teenager themselves, and also importantly, can cause strain and tension in the family system.
In early adolescence there is often a move towards more independence and a stronger connection and importance placed on friend and peer groups. This move can often seemingly manifest as a disinterest in the relationship with parents. In my experience this couldn’t be further from the truth. Whether adolescents would admit it or not, what their parents think of them is of huge significance during this transition period. So in a sense, the role of parental support must develop and often change along with the needs of the adolescent in transition.
Through this development the adolescent is supported in their journey to make meaning of who they are in the world (which essentially is what adolescence is all about). Teenagers must be understood in the context of the bigger life space they live in, which includes family, friends, school etc. It is within their relationship to these things that they make meaning of themselves. As therapists, and indeed parents, we need to recognise adolescent’s very personal and unique struggles as they try to make sense and meaning of themselves in the context of each of these parts of their lives on the road to transitioning to adulthood.
This development and understanding often involves reconsidering previously held thoughts, feelings and beliefs. This can be a huge challenge for parents who often find it difficult to adjust to the changes in their child. Yet, this parental adjustment is essential in supporting children’s development to transition through adolescence to adulthood, a time in life where negotiation is more supportive than hard rules that were used to keep younger children safe. The teenage years are a time of pushing boundaries, sometimes taking risks, of re understanding the world. How we support this developmental process as parents is not easy, but will go a long way in helping our adolescents navigate the tricky road to adulthood and self-discovery.
The author, Mark Gleeson is an Adult and Specialist Adolescent Psychotherapist and Guidance Counsellor from Dublin, Ireland.
